i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
