Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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