I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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