His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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