I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sext me about skeletons
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
