Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
