Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize