2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
