I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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