So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize