you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
