I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
