home. puking in laundry basket.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
