She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We have started to decorate penises.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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