So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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