its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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