Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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