i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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