'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
