I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
