god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
