Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
