there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
