I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
