So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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