Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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