This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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