New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
