Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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