In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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