i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
