There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
