I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
