if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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