You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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