I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
never play flip cup with pint glasses
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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