i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
PANTIES FOUND
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
