I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
