You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
