Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
