he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
