One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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