it hurts more in the daytime
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
