Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
