its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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