Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
