you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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