like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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