Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
