she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
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