Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
