You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
