so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
