My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
