Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Farmville is her only friend.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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