I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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