I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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