He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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