dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
