so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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