He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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