Just fell off a train. Bad.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
