There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Terrible idea I love it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize