More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
