I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
