1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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