Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
