I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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