It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
