Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
