FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's blow job season.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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