there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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