just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
