I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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