masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
