yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
and she was petting her beer can
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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