I want to stick my p in your. b.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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