R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
