oh god the rape fog is back!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
