honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
