There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
