I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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