ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
