He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
