I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
