I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
