i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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