I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
