I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
