Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
