whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
