Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
