well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
