I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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