508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
