I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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