If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
