Kiss
Puke
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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