I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
