I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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