Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize