if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
