so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
