I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
