McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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