meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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