yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
They are going to name an STD after you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
