we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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