I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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