and my herpes radar will keep us safe
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
