My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize