you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
