Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
