I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
