the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
