If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
